New Adventures

I love books...always have. But books for reading and books for learning were always very different things for me. I'm quickly discovering that books for learning can be just as enjoyable as books for reading.

Why? Well after having our children for almost 3 years we've decided that the public school system might not be the best place for them. They missed so much in their early lives that grade level skills are often a struggle. We see them falling further and further behind each year.

So what do you do when you realize that your children are not reaching their full potential in the public school arena? You ponder thoughts of private schools and quickly realize that tuition for 5 children would lead to bankruptcy. Then you take a deep breath and consider the preposterous idea of educating your children yourself.

Of all the crazy ideas we've entertained this may very well be the craziest. Take 2 parents who work FT outside the home and have never ever imagined they would be homeschoolers, add in 5 kiddos and...well I don't know yet what the and will be. We officially start this journey on September 5th (we've been easing into it for about 5 weeks now).

Oh, the books, the books are lovely. Every time the UPS truck pulls up to the house with another shipment from Amazon, I'm as excited as the kids are to get my hands on the books. I can't wait to learn something new.

Case Managers

I hear so many horror stories about case managers that I thought I should tell you a little more about L, our children's case manager, and J, our case manager.  Both of these ladies were phenomenal in providing us with support and resources from the time we met Jesse, Alisha, Haley and Dustin.  They answered tons of questions, offered lots of advice and sometimes they simply listened. 

L was instrumental in having Cameron moved to our home.  She stood up to many people within DFCS and I believe most likely risked her job to make sure our children could grow up together.  If all case managers were like L, I think there wouldn't be nearly as many children languishing in state custody awaiting permanent placements.  She would move heaven and earth to find families for all the children in her care.  We owe so much to L that there is no way we will ever be able to thank her enough.

J was a rock through the entire fiasco.  She offered advice and often helped me realize that a calm approach might be better received than the blistering e-mail I had considered sending or the phone call I was on the verge of making.  J continues to be part of our life and we are talking with her now about future adoption plans.  Yes, call us crazy, we've enjoyed this journey tremendously thus far and have begun the process of updating our home study in hopes of adopting again. 

Siblings

Up to that point, we had not even told our children about their newest sibling.  There were so many new things they were dealing with that we decided to wait.  Once we got the call asking if we would accept Cameron as a placement, we knew we had to tell the children about their baby brother. 

They were full of questions; especially Jesse.  They wanted to know where he was - was he still with their biological Mom?  When we let them know he was with a foster family, they wanted to know why he wasn't with us.  Wow, how to explain to our children that their brother was placed with another family, who hoped to adopt him, because of a seeming lack of communication within DFCS.  His caseworker didn't talk with L before moving him to a home that wanted to adopt him.  So yeah, we left out many details and just told them that we hoped he would be moving in with us in the very near future. 

We spent several months arguing and pleading with DFCS.  I came close to memorizing their entire policy manual and frequently quoted it to L, her manager M and the director of that county's DFCS office.  We started to worry that a misinterpretation of a policy was going to result in Cameron remaining where he was.  We made the decision then to hire an attorney.  We did lots of research and hired the very best attorney we could find when it came to adoption law.  It was the best decision we could have possibly made. 

Our attorney, JO, aided in having Cameron moved to our home in June of 2009, 4 months later than we expected.  The sad thing is a family that had hoped to adopt Cameron was now heartbroken.  Mistakes that were made meant that Cameron remained with that family for 6 months in a placement that should have never happened and then when realized should have been corrected in 2 months. 

While we were elated to have Cameron in our home and his siblings loved getting to know him, we knew that we still had several months of anxiety before us.  See in our state, foster parents are allowed to appeal decisions that are made that meet certain criteria and might be viewed as having violated their rights.  Under state law and DFCS policy, it did not seem to us (or JO) that Cameron's foster parents had a valid grievance.  Sadly, the committee that reviewed such grievances did not agree with our assessment and planned to hear the case.  We lived through endless weeks of stress and worry until mid-August. 

I got a call from our case manager J while at work.  The committee had decided that the foster parents had a valid complaint and were recommending that Cameron be returned to them.  I got up, walked out of my office, told a friend that I had to leave, got in my car and called JO.  From that day forward, we came to realize how very, very blessed we were in our choice of JO as our attorney. 

Since this post is getting rather long, I'll wrap it up and simply tell you that JO worked long and hard to make sure that Cameron wasn't moved and is getting to grow up with his siblings.  After many sleepless nights and a weight loss plan that I wouldn't recommend to anyone, we officially became Cameron's parents in October of 2009. 

Sick and Sicker

The first 6 months the kids were with us were a challenge.  2 healthy adults came face to face with a whole host of childhood illnesses.  We spent those first 6 months in a state of constant medication...or at least it seems that way looking back at it now!  We sneezed, coughed, sniffled and puked our way through that time. 

Time passed quickly as we all adjusted to new routines and got to know one another within the dynamics of a family.  We reached the end of the mandatory 6 months of foster adoption (basically a trial period where potential adoptive parents are subject to ongoing monitoring to ensure that the placement is working as it should) before we could even catch our breath.  We were now approved to adopt the children and were just awaiting a date on the judge's calendar. 

During that waiting period, we received a call from L (the children's case manager).  She wanted to know if we would be interested in having the children's youngest sibling placed with us.  We immediately said yes and entered into a world of red tape, bureaucracy and stupidity. 

Visits

11 days later, we met L at the foster home where the children had been living for over a year.  We were nervous, excited and a little bit scared.  We took a toy for each child just as a way to break the ice.  It seemed to help and gave us something to talk about with the children.  We chatted with the foster parents and L a little but mainly talked and played with the children.  The visit flew by and before we knew it our scheduled time was up.

During the remainder of August, the children came to our house for dinner during the middle of the week and then back again for progressively longer weekend visits.  Here are some pictures from some of the first visits to our house.

By the end of the month, we were ready to have the kids move in with us.  After a long visit over Labor Day weekend and then another mid-week dinner, we signed adoption placement papers on September 5th.  The kids went home with us that day.  We had tons of fun that weekend...

July 29, 2008

The afternoon of July 29th we traveled 2 hours to the county DFCS office with custody of the 4 children we met in June.  When we arrived, there were many other people in attendance; our case manager (J), the children's case manager (L), her supervisor (M) and a few other people that I have to admit I cannot now remember. 

I think we went through some pleasantries at the beginning of the meeting but everything up until the point that L started telling us about the children is a complete blur.  Then she began reading from the papers that she had.  We heard many acronyms that day; things like ADD, ADHD, PTSD and a few others.  We heard sad things and scary things.  We also heard positive things and promising things.  When L finished, they asked us what we thought.  I know they all expected us to ask for a few days to think things over.  The looks on their faces were priceless when Randy and I looked at one another and told them, "We want to adopt these children.  What do we do next?" 

After everyone got over the shock of our response, the group broke up and L took us to a separate room to setup a visitation schedule.  A happy coincidence for us was that the children were in a foster home less than 10 miles from our home so we were able to schedule many visits over a short time frame.  We left that day knowing we would see the children in 11 days. 

Fast Forward

Late in 2007, we began moving forward again.  Our first home study visit was scheduled for January 23rd of 2008.  We had fingerprints done in February.  We had another home study visit in March and then another in April.  We went for physicals and had TB tests in May. 

Then in June, we got the call about the adoption gathering at the end of the month.  Our case manager wanted us to meet 3 siblings.  Instead, we met 4. 

We played with those 4 children for the entire 3 hours of the gathering.  I left with burns on my elbows and knees from sliding down the inflatables with the children.  Randy escaped unscathed.  He had recently broken his nose while playing basketball and sat on the sidelines to avoid further injury while the 5 of us ran and jumped.  I would have never guessed that Randy's 2 black eyes would be such an icebreaker.  The kids asked all kinds of questions about what happened. 

If you're not familiar with adoption gatherings, the ones we attended had different activities that allowed the adults to interact with the children.  At this event, there were several inflatables for sliding and jumping.  There was a table with ingredients for making cookie mix in a jar.  There were hula hoops and sidewalk chalk outside.  There was also a room (actually curtains to make a room) where children were filmed in an interactive environment so that they could meet potential adoptive families across the state.

We left that day knowing that we wanted to learn more about the 4 siblings we had met.  Actually, we left that day convinced that these children were meant to be part of our family.  I e-mailed our case manager as soon as we got home and let her know that we had met 4 wonderful children.  She contacted the children's case manager to see if we could meet.  That meeting, the one that forever changed our lives, was scheduled for July 29, 2008.